on Jamaica

We'd long envisioned getting married on a beach, and the appeal of a beach in a foreign country was strong. We ended up picking Jamaica for a couple simple reasons: it was relatively cheap, and we had a friend who goes on an almost yearly basis, so we could (and did) harass her with whatever questions we thought up.

We stayed in Montego Bay, which is on the north end of the island and the second-largest city after Kingston. Jamaica is a huge tourist economy, but the season is November - April, so prices were much cheaper for us in June, and we didn't run into hardly any parties of frat boys (and no hurricanes, either).

On our friend's recommendation, we stayed at the Royal Decameron Montego Bay, and after seeing several of the other resorts, were glad we did.  For about $175 a night, we got a beach front room and all of the food and drinks we wanted (all the resorts we looked at were all-inclusive). The food was overall very good (local dishes and their take on other culture's cuisines - lots of fresh fish, lamb, chicken, steak), and the drinks were decent - and given what we drank while we were there, our liquor bill alone would have been at least that much anywhere else. My favorite drink was a dirty banana - blended rum, creme de cacao and fresh banana - but we had everything from straight rum to coffee with amaretto to old fashioneds (we had to explain how to make it, but they were game). You're also not expected to tip, and most people don't, but we found that leaving a dollar here and there got us significantly better service. While some of the other resorts were nicer, they were much further from town, and what we could have afforded would not have gotten us anything close to a beach view.

The trade off was that our room wasn't as nice - the bed was slightly hard, there was a water stain on the bathroom ceiling, and the water pressure in the shower was iffy - but we were fine with that given how great everything else was.

The food was served buffet-style, with many different options available. Colin hates buffets and he was fine with this because the food was so good. We ate with a beach view at every meal, a luxury that should not be underestimated. There is also a sit down restaurant you can make reservations for.

We found about a hundred different ways of doing pretty much nothing at all, which is exactly what we wanted. We'd wake up leisurely, meander down to breakfast, bring coffee back to our room, go down to the beach and read or swim for awhile, eat lunch, take a nap, spend more time on the beach, shower for dinner, eat more delicious food, get happily tipsy, fall asleep at the unheard of time of 10 pm, and do it again the next day. I finished three and a half books while were there and swam for at least an hour every day. Having nowhere to be and nothing we had to do was glorious. We would have had to pay for WiFi at the hotel, and there's no 3G access, so we had a nice break from electronic distractions as well.

We did about one thing differently every day, starting with a couple's massage in a cabana on the water, which was lovely.

We wandered into town a few times, which was easy to do on foot. The half-mile or so of the main road by the hotel is called the "hip strip," and its filled with tourist shops and bars, including a Margaritaville. The locals are very aggressive sales people - they call out to you from across the street to come into their stores and will keep pressing if you waver at all. Our friend had warned us beforehand, and a firm "no, thank you" worked just fine. We were disappointed in the cheesy made-in-China wares that most of the shops were selling, although we did find a good price on Appleton rum and Sangster's rum cream (like Bailey's, but even more delicious) in one of the little grocery stores. Also, if you're white, it's pretty obvious that you're a tourist, and you are therefore an easy target for less-than-legal substances. The second time we went into town Colin and I bet how many times we would be offered pot -  he bet 5, I bet 10 - and it was 7 times total. Again, "no, thanks" worked just fine. Margaritaville was fun for the kitsch factor, but we didn't stay for more than a drink, as the appeal of  free drinks back at the resort was too strong. They also offered yacht rides with loud 90s dance music, if that's your thing.

We asked one of the taxi drivers what we should see if we only saw one thing, and he recommended Dunn's River Falls, which is a long waterfall over 600 ft or so of rocks that you can climb. It was beautiful, but had been so mined for tourist purposes that we were somewhat disappointed. They had us climb the falls in long chains of 20 or so people, which was a pretty dumb idea, all things considered (and was frustrating for us, as we could have scaled it without help in about a third the time). They'd scraped the rocks of moss and carved footholds into some of them, and it was so swamped with people that it was hard  to enjoy how pretty it was. I don't have any pictures of it - we didn't have a waterproof camera, and opted out of paying for their photos.

As the falls are near Ocho Rios, we did get to see a significant portion of the coastline and more rural areas as we went there and back, which was nice. We also stopped at a place near Discovery Bay that had absolutely fantastic jerk chicken (possibly the best of the trip, although to be honest they were all so good that it would be hard to rank), and would have been worth the drive alone. It looked like they were smoking it on wood poles underneath a sheet of aluminum. (I had my camera on the nighttime setting or something, so apologies for the poor quality.)

After using the snorkels provided by the hotel and being amazed at just the little reefs in the water by the hotel beaches, we decided to take a glass-bottomed boat out to one of the larger reefs off shore.

I had trouble with my mask and didn't enjoy it as much as I could have, but Colin loved it. The reefs weren't as colorful as the pictures of the ones you see in Australia, but we saw a lot of cool coral and a bunch of different fish, and the water was incredibly clear. We were also surprised that it went so far out and was only about 10-15 feet deep, and when there aren't reefs (or the wake of the boat), you can see straight to the white sand at the bottom.

The water itself was incredibly beautiful. We spent most of our time on the furthest south beach, as it was the quietest. I didn't get over that perfect turquoise blue the entire time we were there. The sunsets were incredible, and the resort faces west, so we had a perfect view. The weather report told us it would be thunderstorms that week, and although it did tend to get cloudy toward the evening, we got sprinkled on for about five minutes once, and most of the daytime was clear.

Cultural notes: our experiences with the local culture were admittedly quite few - restricted to those working in the tourist trade, and whoever happened to be walking down the hip strip when we were (still mostly part of the tourist trade). Almost 20% of the island is living below the poverty line, which was fairly apparent when we drove through the more rural areas. I wish I had read up more on the country before we went - I didn't know until after we came home than Rastafarian is a religion (and not actually a big one - the island is very religious, but mostly of the Protestant variety - only somewhere between 1-5% of the population identifies as Rastafarian). The locals speak patois as well as English. There is definitely a cultural difference between what Americans would consider polite and what the locals do, but it's easy enough to get used to - and once it's clear you're not just another asshole tourist, they're more friendly.

Our total cost for the vacation portion (read: non-wedding) was about $3300 (flights, hotel, taxis, non-hotel food, massage, excursion, souvenirs, etc). At least in the touristy areas, you can use Jamaican and American money interchangeably. They say the rate is  10 to 1, but it's actually 100 to 1 - 1000 Jamaican is 10 USD. We changed over about a third of our spending money into Jamaican. We also waited longer than we should have to buy our flights, which ended up costing us more than we planned - buy them early. Southwest also started flying in to Jamaica the day we left (we're pretty sure we saw the first plane come in), so there are probably cheaper options now than what we had. We decided to play it safe and get the CDC recommended shots beforehand, which was an additional $370 we didn't originally plan for.

To sum up: Jamaica is awesome and beautiful, and we are so glad we went.

p.s. I am working on a post on the wedding stuff for A Practical Wedding, and if they publish it I'll link to it here.

on weddings

We're getting married, and I'm super excited.

We've already arranged how it's going to happen - we're running off to Jamaica this summer, just the two of us, and getting married on a beach as close to sunset as we're legally allowed, and combining that with the honeymoon itself. And we'll have some sort of party when we come back to celebrate. I have my dress - from here - and pretty much the only thing we have left to do is buy the plane tickets.

What weirds me out about the whole process is all the strange social constructs people have built up around weddings. We've inadvertently broken the mold - we're getting married entirely, proudly by ourselves, but we're telling everyone about it first. Apparently no one does this. Even on the "alternative wedding" websites, the most subversive thing you can do is elope. (What we're doing doesn't count as an elopement, since it's not at all secret.)

But there's very little about a "traditional" wedding that appeals to me. For one, we've never been ones to stick to tradition - we've been living and raising a child together for years, now - but most wedding traditions seem particularly ludicrous to me, especially as so many of them are fed by centuries-old religion or misogyny (or, often, religious misogyny). No one really requires seeing bloody sheets any more - at least not in mainstream America - but how far off is the garter removal, really?

And then there's the entire economy built around wedding planning - huge, overpriced, overblown, insane trappings that are different only in the minutiae that harried brides spend months obsessing about. Why do we get favors like we're attending a kid's birthday party? Why are there only round tables and two kinds of chairs used at receptions? Why do people pay $75 a plate when you can buy better entrees at Chili's for $15? Why in the world is every wedding dress for the past ten years strapless with a big skirt (and often thousands of dollars despite being made of polyester)? Just to be clear, I'm not judging people who have or enjoy these things - I'm judging our society for demanding that they are necessary.

I'm fully convinced that most people have a very, very hard time enjoying their weddings, and definitely don't enjoy the months leading up to them. I've watched enough of my friends go through the process to know how exhausting and unrewarding it can be.

Instead, I spent a week and a half figuring out my dress, what hotel we'd stay at, and what wedding planner we'd pay to take care of the entire thing (photography included), and now I'm done. When we get back, I get to throw together a party without any pressure at all (since it's not tied to the wedding itself, there's no need for everything to be any more perfect or stressful than our usual fêtes).

And no, we're not having a sit-down reception. The details are sketchy as of yet, but it'll probably be in the vineyard, and there will be good wine and twinkle lights and hopefully a bonfire, and my biggest goal is to get everyone to have a good time, not just a good time for a wedding.

Until then, I get to dream of beaches and happiness.

dear kate

It's been a few hours since your wedding. With the time difference, you're probably asleep by now.

I haven't paid much attention to you, or to your nuptials. I remember a few years ago hearing that you and William had broken up, at least for awhile. I think that was substantiated, not some absurd rumor. It makes me wonder, now, what it was about, if you think those issues have been resolved.

I looked up pictures of your dress online this morning. Since I'd heard the woman who took over McQueen's empire--she of the butterfly dresses and the intricate towering shoes--was the designer, I hoped your dress might be something remarkable. Instead, it was almost boring, so stifled by convention and what I imagine to be the Queen's ideas of decency that it seemed to have no character.

What did strike me, though, was your face. You seemed genuine, your smiles and waves a true expression, though not one of what I might call love--though it was nearer that than William's big-lipped grimaces.

I wondered, thinking about those pictures afterward, if you knew the family you were getting into. I thought about the way Charles was said to have treated Diana, about how those boys must have grown up. I wondered if one could ever win an argument against the Duke of Cambridge. I thought of the repetition of the headlines, "Prince William to Marry Commoner Kate Middleton," the "commoner" tolling over and over again like the distant sound of a funeral bell. One could never hope for any sort of equality in a relationship with that "commoner" forever ringing in the background.

I wonder, too, about the breach in your thought that must have allowed you to walk down that aisle today. I wonder how much of it might have been a political move on the part of the Royal Family, since so much of the British population seemed to find you charming. I wonder if you had fallen victim to the golden cup of poison that is our childhood fairy-tale, as so many of the people obsessed with your wedding seem to be.

You looked so fragile, in those photos, tiny breasts smoothed over with white satin, an infinitesimal waist, that bright smile. You seemed destined to break under the weight of your marriage, dragging along behind you like your absurd train. I wanted to tell you, like a friend, "Don't do this. This is not going to be the life you want."