1. Waterproof eye makeup. Facing the world with a teary face is demeaning. Use waterproof eyeliner to waterline (covers up the tell-tale red) and then smudge thickly around the outside to disguise puffiness. Waterproof mascara on upper lashes only. When you cry, don't touch your eyes at all, and everything will stay put just fine.
2. Go dancing. Specifically tango. It's physical exercise, so the endorphins will improve your mood. The embrace is essentially a nine to twelve minute hug. It is a happy distraction.
3. Read Emotional Intelligence. Learn the science behind why you feel like shit. Feel slightly better.
4. Tell small numbers of people at a time. Avoid telling work colleagues if you can. Choose small pockets of friends. That way you can retreat to people who know - or people who don't know - depending on your mood. Also, providing even the briefest of explanations several times over in a short amount of time is extremely draining, so it's much better to avoid it if you can.
5. Dress up. Often. Even for going to bed. This is in line with the waterproof makeup trick: if you look like shit, you're going to feel even worse. Looking good on the outside calms some of the storm on the inside.
6. Use your blog for cathartic but very obscure references to the situation. The whole point of having a blog - even if it's a less personal one like mine - is to be able to provide your commentary on the world. Don't embarrass yourself, don't violate anonymity, don't try to offend anyone, and shrug it off if people decide to get offended anyway.
7. Apply for a promotion. Get it. Be grateful that you made good decisions and have a job you love.
8. Retreat into the arms of people who love you. Lean on them. Love your kid, love the cat, love your friends, and lean on the ones who can support you. Discover that you have more people to lean on than you thought. Be grateful.
9. Go dancing more.
10. Keep boxes of tissues in every corner of the house. And in your purse. And your car. This avoids the frustration that comes with having to hunt for several minutes to find something to get the snot off your face.
11. Be empathetic. You don't have it as bad as other people. Your world feels like it is ending; someone else's does, too. Listen carefully to those problems and yours will recede into the background, at least temporarily. This works, surprisingly, even if the problems being described are part of the situation that is making you miserable too.
12. Learn from other people's experiences; commiserate with those going through the same thing at the same time. Tiny Hands and toot's tree pose, for example, have been fantastic inspiration. It is comforting to know that you are not the only one going through a horrific breakup, and good to see that life can, in fact, continue and improve once the breakup is over.
13. Keep a few pregnancy tests handy. You don't need to add to your stress by worrying that your missed period is due to something other than grief.
14. Don't refill your contact prescription. Tears have a tendency to float your contacts out of your eyes, and they make already irritated eyes more irritated. And sometimes even just the slight distance provided by seeing the world through glass is comforting.
15. Find out the truth, whatever it is, at whatever cost. The most destructive thing on this planet is a lie, whether it's one you tell yourself or one someone is telling you. It clouds your judgement. It keeps you from healing. It makes you behave in ways that are not appropriate for the actuality of the situation. The truth, no matter how much it hurts, is the only thing worth having. Find it.
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
6.02.2012
11.25.2011
black friday
So I'm not a Black Friday fanatic, but this is the second one I've shopped with some intent, and made out pretty well. (I went out at about 9 am - early enough to get the deals, late enough to avoid the rabid crowds.) I was going to share my Black Friday tips, but then realized that there's no point now that it's over.
Suffice to say: I spent $85, and saved $42. I'm quite pleased with myself. And that's not even counting the pre-Black Friday coupons I used earlier this week.
Tomorrow is Small Business Saturday, in which I am also partaking, but of course it is now also too late to register your AmEx card for the $25 refund.
I do wonder about the ethics using a big corporation to refund me money to show support for small businesses, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, either.
Hope everyone had as lovely a Turkey Day as I did. <3
Suffice to say: I spent $85, and saved $42. I'm quite pleased with myself. And that's not even counting the pre-Black Friday coupons I used earlier this week.
Tomorrow is Small Business Saturday, in which I am also partaking, but of course it is now also too late to register your AmEx card for the $25 refund.
I do wonder about the ethics using a big corporation to refund me money to show support for small businesses, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, either.
Hope everyone had as lovely a Turkey Day as I did. <3
8.01.2011
on learning a social dance
There are several different ways you can go about learning a social dance, and since many people I know either are learning or are thinking about learning, I figured I'd throw out my tips.
(Social dance refers to, in this case, structured partner dancing in an informal or non-competition format - salsa, swing, and tango are good examples. Learning to dance competitively is an entirely different thing.)
Know that the awkward stage passes.
Almost everyone is awkward or awful at it at first. That's fine. You have to keep working at it. And even the most horrible, awkward dancer can become a beautiful dancer with enough practice and determination.
Eventually - and this is when things get really fun - you stop having to think about it. Your body just does what it's supposed to. Things happen that are awesome, and you didn't consciously think about doing them. That sort of dance nirvana is the reason why dancers keep coming back, but it doesn't happen your first time out. Or your second. Or maybe not for the first year(!). But all of the time investment is totally worth it when it does. I promise. You just have to get there.
Do it regularly, and make an effort to keep improving what you know.
This is often not a problem for people who have truly been bitten by the dance bug. But lots of people, for whatever reason, only attend a dance class or event every so often, and then wonder why they don't improve. You have to make a certain amount of commitment to it, and you can't simply be satisfied with what you've already learned. The best dancers (the best anything, really) are the ones who are continually striving to be more than what they already are. Don't quit going to classes once you think you're "good enough." There's no such thing.
Ask people to dance. Specifically ask people who are better than you.
Most newbies are terrified to do this. It's understandable - you don't want to embarrass yourself too badly, so you dance with another newbie or with no one at all. Or you're afraid of getting turned down, or of the pity dance.
However, the way I learned (and the way most people learn) is by dancing with someone better than you are. Especially if you dance with them on a regular basis, you'll probably start closing the gap pretty quickly.
Also, just because you're inexperienced doesn't mean people can't have fun dancing with you. All of us remember learning, and probably have some more experienced dancers that we owe our ability to. Most people are willing to pay it forward.
Alternately, don't *just* dance with people better than you.
One of the best things I've heard in a lesson is to be grateful for a difficult partner. Anyone can learn a move with someone who's good - but not everyone's good, and not everyone's going to do it perfectly the first time. Learning how to do something well even with a difficult partner means you've really learned it.
Stay for the actual dance.
Many new people stay for the lesson and then book it after the real dancing actually starts. I feel like you learn at least as much, if not more, on a real floor in a real situation. You'll never be able to perfect your dance moves while in the sterile and structured environment of a class, and the longer you stay away from the "social" part of social dance, the harder a time you'll have feeling comfortable there. And the less comfortable you are, the less likely you are to dance well.
It's a social dance.
That means you dance with several different partners. If you try to stick just to your significant other, you're missing most of the point of the activity. You get yourself into a rut, and it limits your abilities and your confidence significantly - if you can only dance with one other person effectively, you're not really a dancer. Besides, learning how to interact with all different kinds of people will make you even better when you *do* dance with your significant other.
Additionally, the social part doesn't apply just to the dancing - talk to people when you're sitting on the sidelines. People you've talked to are more likely to want to dance with you.
Social dance is not a dating service.
If you're looking for a dating service, try a dating service. I hear match.com and eharmony.com work pretty well. However, the point of dancing is dancing. Lots of people end up dating people in the dancing community (although I'm not one of them, and am glad of it), but it's incidental, not the objective.
Don't be prejudiced based on appearances.
You can have a very enjoyable dance with all sorts of people. Remember - it's a dance, not a date. Physical attraction to the other person is not a necessary part of the equation, even though you're doing a physical activity.
Experiment with different instructors.
People often seem to stick to a single dance teacher, usually the one they started out with. Different instructors have different things to offer, and one might teach something in a way that works better for you. There are so many different styles and approaches to the same move or the same dance, and taking what you like from different teachers is a good way to broaden your perspective.
That said, working consistently with one instructor, once you've found one you like and who understands you, is incredibly beneficial. Just don't settle for the first teacher you come across, get frustrated, and give up.
Don't learn a bit and start thinking you're a hot shot.
Hubris is a downfall. If you've only been dancing for a short amount of time, you're probably too ignorant to know how bad you really are. There's very little, for me, that's more off-putting than someone who lectures other dancers, who scoffs at other people, who generally thinks they're way better than they are. Socrates said it quite well: "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
(Social dance refers to, in this case, structured partner dancing in an informal or non-competition format - salsa, swing, and tango are good examples. Learning to dance competitively is an entirely different thing.)
Know that the awkward stage passes.
Almost everyone is awkward or awful at it at first. That's fine. You have to keep working at it. And even the most horrible, awkward dancer can become a beautiful dancer with enough practice and determination.
Eventually - and this is when things get really fun - you stop having to think about it. Your body just does what it's supposed to. Things happen that are awesome, and you didn't consciously think about doing them. That sort of dance nirvana is the reason why dancers keep coming back, but it doesn't happen your first time out. Or your second. Or maybe not for the first year(!). But all of the time investment is totally worth it when it does. I promise. You just have to get there.
Do it regularly, and make an effort to keep improving what you know.
This is often not a problem for people who have truly been bitten by the dance bug. But lots of people, for whatever reason, only attend a dance class or event every so often, and then wonder why they don't improve. You have to make a certain amount of commitment to it, and you can't simply be satisfied with what you've already learned. The best dancers (the best anything, really) are the ones who are continually striving to be more than what they already are. Don't quit going to classes once you think you're "good enough." There's no such thing.
Ask people to dance. Specifically ask people who are better than you.
Most newbies are terrified to do this. It's understandable - you don't want to embarrass yourself too badly, so you dance with another newbie or with no one at all. Or you're afraid of getting turned down, or of the pity dance.
However, the way I learned (and the way most people learn) is by dancing with someone better than you are. Especially if you dance with them on a regular basis, you'll probably start closing the gap pretty quickly.
Also, just because you're inexperienced doesn't mean people can't have fun dancing with you. All of us remember learning, and probably have some more experienced dancers that we owe our ability to. Most people are willing to pay it forward.
Alternately, don't *just* dance with people better than you.
One of the best things I've heard in a lesson is to be grateful for a difficult partner. Anyone can learn a move with someone who's good - but not everyone's good, and not everyone's going to do it perfectly the first time. Learning how to do something well even with a difficult partner means you've really learned it.
Stay for the actual dance.
Many new people stay for the lesson and then book it after the real dancing actually starts. I feel like you learn at least as much, if not more, on a real floor in a real situation. You'll never be able to perfect your dance moves while in the sterile and structured environment of a class, and the longer you stay away from the "social" part of social dance, the harder a time you'll have feeling comfortable there. And the less comfortable you are, the less likely you are to dance well.
It's a social dance.
That means you dance with several different partners. If you try to stick just to your significant other, you're missing most of the point of the activity. You get yourself into a rut, and it limits your abilities and your confidence significantly - if you can only dance with one other person effectively, you're not really a dancer. Besides, learning how to interact with all different kinds of people will make you even better when you *do* dance with your significant other.
Additionally, the social part doesn't apply just to the dancing - talk to people when you're sitting on the sidelines. People you've talked to are more likely to want to dance with you.
Social dance is not a dating service.
If you're looking for a dating service, try a dating service. I hear match.com and eharmony.com work pretty well. However, the point of dancing is dancing. Lots of people end up dating people in the dancing community (although I'm not one of them, and am glad of it), but it's incidental, not the objective.
Don't be prejudiced based on appearances.
You can have a very enjoyable dance with all sorts of people. Remember - it's a dance, not a date. Physical attraction to the other person is not a necessary part of the equation, even though you're doing a physical activity.
Experiment with different instructors.
People often seem to stick to a single dance teacher, usually the one they started out with. Different instructors have different things to offer, and one might teach something in a way that works better for you. There are so many different styles and approaches to the same move or the same dance, and taking what you like from different teachers is a good way to broaden your perspective.
That said, working consistently with one instructor, once you've found one you like and who understands you, is incredibly beneficial. Just don't settle for the first teacher you come across, get frustrated, and give up.
Don't learn a bit and start thinking you're a hot shot.
Hubris is a downfall. If you've only been dancing for a short amount of time, you're probably too ignorant to know how bad you really are. There's very little, for me, that's more off-putting than someone who lectures other dancers, who scoffs at other people, who generally thinks they're way better than they are. Socrates said it quite well: "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
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